(1) 1.45 lb container of Similac Advance Infant Formula.

(1) 2-ct package of Phillips Avent Soothie Pacifiers.

(1) Baby Brezza Formula Pro.

As I stood in the checkout line at Babies “R” Us and surveyed the contents of my cart I felt like a Breastfeeding Class drop-out.

I had every intention of breastfeeding my son until he was at least six months old, with the long-term goal of making it one year. But here I was, with him just shy of turning six weeks old, buying everything that is taboo in the breastfeeding world.

My husband and I attended a breastfeeding class while I was pregnant, read books and articles about breastfeeding, and were told by physicians and nurses about the positive impact breastfeeding has on a child’s development. It was clear to us that breastfeeding has its benefits and I wanted to do what was best for our son, so I decided I was going to do everything I could to breastfeed.

I experienced the early breastfeeding woes of cracked and bleeding nipples but worked with lactation consultants and stuck with it because, as I am sure every expectant and new mom has heard, “breast is best.”

When my son was 10 days old I came down with a 102 degree fever, full-body aches, and extreme fatigue (more than your run-of-the-mill, new-parent, sleep deprivation fatigue) so I called my OB/GYN who said to go to the Emergency Room if the fever did not break. Thankfully, it broke and I made an appointment with a lactation consultant the following day.

When I met with the lactation consultant she said that it seemed like I had “borderline mastitis and was on the verge of having a full-blown case, but to stick with it.” So I did, because I was committed to breastfeeding. And, you know, “breast is best.”

Three days later my OB/GYN diagnosed me with mastitis. I started a course of antibiotics and I implemented all of the tricks to ward off future cases of mastitis. Warm compresses, massage, hot showers, Epsom salt soaks, pumping until empty, changing nursing holds—I tried everything the doctors, nurses, and lactation consultants recommended and even some things my husband and I found in books and on the web.

While I was on antibiotics both my son and I experienced the not-so-fun side effects that come with taking them. But we stuck with it. Because­­, once again, “breast is best.”

Except when it is not.

Another case of mastitis, three trips to a breast surgeon to treat two abscesses through needle aspiration (yes, it is as unpleasant as it sounds), three more antibiotic prescriptions, and several tear-filled nights later, we officially became a formula-feeding family.

Throughout my whole breastfeeding saga I expressed my concerns about continuing to breastfeed to my doctors and nurses and told them I was considering switching to formula. I was looking for support but I was met with raised eyebrows and advice on what I could do to continue to breastfeed. I wanted one medical professional, just ONE, to tell me that everything would be fine if we switched to formula.

I did not want to be a bad mom. I wanted to do what the doctors said. But I was exhausted. I was still trying to recover from a tough labor and delivery and this ordeal was taking its toll on my family as a whole.

And then I finally realized that being a good mom does not mean doing everything that other people tell you to do. Being a good mom means making difficult decisions in the best interest of your family.

So I ignored the ways I could continue to breastfeed—which offered no guarantee that I would not get mastitis again—and I jumped ship.

We have been exclusively formula feeding for two weeks and my son, husband, and I are the happiest and healthiest we have been since we came home from the hospital two months ago.

For some families breast might be best. But for the mothers like me who try breastfeeding and don’t have it pan out, or for mothers who adopt and formula feed from the beginning, or for mothers who physically can’t produce enough milk, or those who just know from the start that formula feeding is what is needed for their family: breast is not best.

Healthy is best. However that is achieved.

The post For us, formula is best appeared first on Dayton Parent Magazine.

I recently wrote about the decision of leaving the workforce versus remaining in the work force after having a baby. The two choices of stay-at-home parent and work-out-of-the-home parent seem to have such definitive boundaries around what they are.

But what about when employment means something different than putting on a blazer every morning, making a commute, and settling into a desk chair for the next nine hours?

What about the parents who earn an income through nontraditional means? People who take something they’re passionate about and adapt it to where the where of what they do is not as important as the what of what they do. I have had lots of role models in my life who have taken this route: a mother who does medical transcription from home, a family friend who grooms dogs, and a cousin who canes chairs just to name a few.

After months of considering my own options—stay at a job I love or leave the workforce to stay with a future child I love—I was never able to settle on a plan that left my heart at peace. The distinct borders of the two paths left me feeling trapped, until I did what I’m guessing a lot of motherhood will look like. I took a step back from the black and white and found the gray.

I asked myself what I really wanted to be doing. And the answer was to do what I enjoy the most about my current job (write) and be with my future children.

I discussed my plans with my current employer ten weeks ahead of my due date and they have been nothing but supportive. I reached out to contacts from other organizations and have started to foster a network of future freelance writing opportunities. There is not a clear-cut path for the work-from-home parent but there is also not a clear-cut path for the work-out-of the home parent or the stay-at-home parent.

The long and short of it is all mothers work. There is enough work to be done in raising children and running a household to fill up every minute of every week. The mothers who clock 50+ hours a week at the office and come home to their babies are master taskers. And the mothers who embark on a new career direction are often stepping into uncharted waters. But we’re all the same. We’re all required to be brave when we’re not sure we can handle it. We all work until we’re exhausted and then work some more. And above all else, we all love our children.

The post Finding the Gray appeared first on Dayton Parent Magazine.

The National Bureau of Labor Statistics reports that in 2014 “the labor force participation rate of mothers with infants under a year old was 57.1 percent” and that “there was little difference in the participation rates of married mothers and those with other marital statuses.” This means that in 2014 slightly more than half of all mothers of infants participated in the labor force, and slightly less than half stayed at home.

My husband and I are expecting our first child in March and I have spent the last six months trying to decide if I will join the slightly more than half or slightly less than half.

The past few years I have been pursuing my master’s degree and working full-time in healthcare marketing. I love the work I do, I love my office, and when I try to imagine myself not doing what I am—I can’t.

Over the past months I have watched my belly grow, felt my baby move inside of me, and made preparations to welcome this little boy to the world, and when I try to imagine handing him over to someone else for the majority of every week—I can’t.

Prior to moving to Dayton, some of my friends at the previous organization I worked for decided to work outside of the home after having children. They all hold professional positions and I have heard all of them make jabs at stay-at-home moms. It was never the sole topic of a conversation, but if it came up, a snarky remark was laced in. These statements were typically all of the same nature:

• -I would be so bored if I stayed at home all day. I need to be challenged and intellectually stimulated.
• -Well you know, she is just a stay-at-home mom so she has plenty of free-time.
• -I want to be a contributing and productive member of society and I want to teach my child to become one too.

I was raised by a stay-at-home mom and both of my grandmothers were stay-at-home moms. All three are intelligent, educated, and had careers before deciding to stay at home. They also recognized being a stay-at-home mom as a privilege and appreciated the opportunity. Through the women in my family I have heard the opposing mom contingent’s comments as well:

• -You can always get another job, but you only get one chance to spend time with your children.
• -I couldn’t put my children in daycare for ten hours and not know what kind of care they are receiving.
• -How could you miss seeing your child’s first steps? How could you not be the one to take care of them when they’re not feeling well?

Between the comments of my female colleagues and the comments of my female family members I have found myself caught in the middle of the Mommy Wars, without even having a child yet. As a woman in the workforce I have felt like I have never been able to say that I am considering being a stay-at-home mom. As a product of 3+ generations of stay-at-home moms, I have felt like I’ve never been able to say I’m considering staying in the workforce. Since I have yet to have a child and make my choice, up until this point I have quietly listened to each side air their laundry lists of convictions and grievances and all the while—intentional or not—make disrespectful and accusatory comments about women who chose differently than they did.

The misconception about the Mommy Wars is that it is a battle between two opposing sides. The reality of the Mommy Wars is that both sides are seeking the same thing: reassurance that they made the right decision.

As a working professional and future mom, I am grateful to have a choice of stay-at-home mom vs. work-out-of-the-home mom, but I have also been overwhelmed by this choice. As I carefully weigh pros and cons I know there are three truths at the core of this issue:

1. The decision a parent makes when their child is six weeks old should not dictate the remainder of the parent’s professional or personal life.
2. There are no sides when it comes to parenting. All parents want the same thing: what is best for their family and their children.
3. Everyone should have the freedom to choose their own professional and personal paths, without societal or familial pressures influencing their decisions, or feeling like they have to explain their choices.

While it is possible that the Mommy Wars may never see an end, we all can take a part in changing what it will look like for generations to come. We can break the pattern of making condescending remarks—direct and indirect—about those whose day-to-day looks different than ours. We can shift from outwardly defending our personal decisions and patronizing others’,  to looking inward and doing what is right for our own family, and leaving other families to do what is right for them.

 About Katlyn Stechschulte:

Born and raised a Buckeye,I graduated with a degree in marketing from the Ohio State University Fisher College of Business in 2011. During my time at OSU I met my husband and we got a black Labrador Retriever named Gunner. Since graduating, my husband,Gunner, and I have made six moves across four states, most recently returning to Ohio and settling in Dayton. Across the miles I have worked in marketing at a graphic communications firm, as a full-time cake decorator in a bakery, and I have spent the past few years working in healthcare marketing and pursuing a master’s degree in writing. We are looking forward to holding the same address for an extended period of time, especially since we bought a house and are expecting our first child in March 2016. I have a love for books, dogs, donuts, running, going places I have never been, and attempting to find balance in everyday life.

The post Caught in the Middle appeared first on Dayton Parent Magazine.